Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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