i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
