I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
