Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
