I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
