hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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