i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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