im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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