i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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