That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
