So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
