I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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