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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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