i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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