It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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