I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
