Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up under a house in Key West
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
