i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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