Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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