Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
