It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
