Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
