The best revenge is premature balding
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
