im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
