A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
