dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
