im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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