My hand turned me down
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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