they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
