So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
