...so i touched it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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