Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
