I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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