Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
