My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
