mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
