belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
