Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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