Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
