I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
