so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
