ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You ate ashes out of my bong
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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