Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
