My Higher Power is John Stamos
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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