peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
