did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
