Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
