come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
