well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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