some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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