I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
